You can have any kinky sex without necessarily engaging in the bondage and submissive kind of sex kinkiness. But if you want fun, kinkier, and borderline limit-stretching, and fluid-draining kind of sex, then you’d consider BDSM. Most people have recognized themselves almost entirely to either be sadists, masochists, dominants, or subs. You can actually do a little of his and that; like be a domme then switch to a sub or a masochist and a sadist. Some subs usually don’t like pain, while others thrive on it. Theres a widely explored argument that these BDSM fetishes are innate, and that you cannot make someone become what they were not born to be. This means that a submissive role occurs naturally in someone and that one cannot teach or force. Some people however believe that becoming any of the participants especially the dominant and submissive depends on the role and observing the safety rules. It is therefore pretty easy to train an individual to become a submissive. Let us explore this further. Being a good submissive Essentially, a submissive is supposed to give up power. Their power is entrusted with the dominant partner. The work of the submissive now remains to serv the dominant. It is under this role that we need to learn how better you can play it. First and foremost, entering a dom/sub relationship needs to be consensual. It is your duty to be decisive enough to be able to protect yourself mentally and physically if you get to experience discomfort. A good submissive listens and follows commands by the dominant. This requires one who is capable of giving up their power and affording a healthy amount of trust to their partner. When you look at videos and films depicting this kind of relationship – and YouTube is a good source of these graphics. You might have seen that therein there a person who gets to be gagged, restrained, blindfolded, who gets to receive lashes, paddings, and spanks, among many other activities going on. This person is the submissive. Being one means that you have consciously agreed to these activities beforehand. This therefore means that you will be expected to do that which you agreed to until when you feel uncomfortable and wish it to be toned down or stopped. The use of a safe word This among many others is the foremost important role of a submissive. The use of a safe word is meant to protect the sub from unknown risks including a highly intensive play you cannot handle. With BDSM, pain and suffering is part of the game. In fact, they say that the line which separates pan and pleasure is very thin. Also, when highly aroused, your pain threshold goes up. Some subs usually extract pleasure from pain – either to oneself or to someone else. This better highlights why the use of a safe word is important. You don’t want to sound as if you are enjoying the whip if you are not. And if something goes overboard, you need the word to regulate the play. The choice of a safe word This forms part of the initial play preparations. Before you get all into roleplay, you need to discuss a few points including and not limited to safe words. The choice of the words need not be cumbersome. As a sub you need to remember this word while you are highly aroused with hormones flowing up you body. It can be difficult to do that at times. That is the reason you are advised to pick an easily recognizable, straightforward, and simple to remember safe word. The words “NO” or “YES” might seem simple enough; in fact, they tick all the boxes. The problem however is however, that these words are mostly used in different contexts. For instance, during penetrative sex, you might be enjoying so much that you say “no” or “stop” while you clearly want more. Hence, these words are not the best choices to stick to. In other terms, the word should not leave a wide area of doubt or interpretation. That is why other choices could suffice. You could settle for colors – like the road signs. “red” to mean stop, “yellow” for slower and “green” for its okay, you can go ahead. Luckily, you get o discuss the safe words with your dominant and test their working before delving into the act. Which means. So long as the word works for the two of you, you are good to go. And, ensure you use it. What people say about submission role I’m certain that 90% of the graphical depictions, i.e., imagery, art, and videos you have seen or watched of BDSM show females as submissives and males to be the dominants. This actually the classical misinterpretation of things by people from outside the play. Not only females can be subs. In fact, they can change roles whenever it suits them. Of course, there are people who were just born to be subs. Meaning they cannot be dominants. For instance, Canadian research on sadomasochism concluded that masochists are highly likely to register into submission instead of dominance. According to psychology, you can play the role of a submissive even if you are feminist. Meaning, you can have this idea and identify with the strong and empowered women but still give up power during roleplay. It is not unusual to find someone who has undergone past trauma drawn into BDSM. It is however, not true that it is trauma and abuse that leads people into this activity. There was an idea flying around that kinksters were mentally unstable individuals who could not get sexual satisfaction from vanilla sex as many other people. Science has however deconstructed this notion and says that there was nothing more special or pathological about these people. And that there weren’t risks of clinical disorders more than other people. Lastly, people think that choosing to submit during roleplay is a sin that you had lost your self-esteem and that one is thinking that they are worthless. This is far from the truth. With BDSM you got to have power to relinquish, and you can veto theirs using a safe word. By extension, you get to choose how, what, and how long. You might actually feel good about yourself at the end. Also, being a sub to a man is not sexist as same sex partners get to practice BDSM all the time.